PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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