things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
