She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
