Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
