If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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