Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
