dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
