fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pants are for mortals
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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