Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
