DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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