Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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