It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
