there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
