and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
