Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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