That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
