For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
