I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
