so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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