Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
