cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
