he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
