You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
