I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
