shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
