I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
