I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
