called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
