if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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