somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
