I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
