You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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