I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
