Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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