i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
