my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
