It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
