I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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