Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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