You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
