Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pants are for mortals
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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