my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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