Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
