The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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