I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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