bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
