Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
