And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
