Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
