Kiss
Puke
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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