I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
