Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
